There are many images that come to mind when people think about a distillery.
Gleaming copper stills. Carefully ageing barrels. Masterful craftsmanship. Serious faces inspecting spirits with the intensity of a diamond appraiser.
What they don't picture is Chris performing an enthusiastic rendition of the Electric Slide between fermenters on a Tuesday morning.
Yet, here we are.
When the rest of civilisation is busy attending meetings, answering emails, and pretending to understand Excel spreadsheets, Chris can often be found single-handedly keeping the distillery running. And when you're working alone with nothing but the hum of pumps, the bubbling of ferments, and a suspiciously large Bluetooth speaker, extraordinary things happen.
At first, the dancing was merely practical.
A quick shuffle while sanitising tanks.
A subtle shoulder roll when checking temperatures.
Maybe a cheeky moonwalk while transferring spirit.
Entirely reasonable workplace behaviour.
But as the hours passed and no witnesses appeared, the performances escalated.
Soon, every task developed its own signature dance move.
Loading grain? That's the Grain Train Shuffle.
Checking barrels? The Oak Barrel Boogie.
Cleaning equipment? The Sanitiser Salsa.
Testing spirit cuts? The Distiller's Disco.
Some say Chris can tell the difference between heads, hearts, and tails purely by the rhythm of his hips.
The barrels, of course, have seen everything.
Hundreds of litres of spirit quietly maturing while observing what can only be described as interpretive dance. If barrels could talk, they would almost certainly request counselling.
The local spiders have also become regular audience members. One particularly large spider in the warehouse corner is believed to have developed a genuine appreciation for 80s classics.
Sources suggest it gives higher ratings to Fleetwood Mac than Bon Jovi.
Working alone has its advantages. There are no performance reviews. No judgement. No awkward questions like:
"Chris, why were you pointing at the hydrometer while lip-syncing to Dancing Queen?"
Unfortunately, modern technology has created one significant risk.
Security cameras.
Every employee's greatest fear isn't making a production mistake.
It's discovering that six months of solo warehouse choreography has been quietly stored in high definition.
Somewhere, on a hard drive, exists a cinematic masterpiece featuring Chris executing a celebratory fist pump after successfully cleaning a tank.
It's expected to win several awards should it ever be released.
Perhaps the most impressive achievement is that production never slows down. In fact, there is a strong argument that dancing improves efficiency.
Need to move quickly between tanks?
Dance.
Need motivation to mop a floor?
Dance.
Need to survive a long day without human interaction?
Dance harder.
Scientists haven't officially studied this phenomenon, but if they did, Chris would almost certainly become a case study.
"Subject appears to convert boredom directly into disco."
So next time you're enjoying a glass of craft spirit, spare a thought for the unseen effort behind it.
The precision.
The dedication.
The craftsmanship.
And, somewhere in the background, one man absolutely tearing up an imaginary dance floor while waiting for the next batch to finish distilling.
Because at this distillery, the spirits aren't the only things with good moves. 🍸🕺
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